Memoirs of a Hanyou
by hieiluva
Summary: Two years ago Kagome left Inuyasha due to horrible mistake on his part. She never gave him a chance to explain, so he wrote a tellall book in hopes that she'll read it and take him back. Will she read it and give him another chance? Or is it over?
1. Chapter 1

1Hey guys! How's it going? This idea just came to me. I hope you guys like it because I'm putting a lot of effort into it. Please review, positive, negative, or in-between!

Okay, so how this works is that the story is going to cross over from present life to chapters from the book. You'll see once you begin reading.

Present- normal type

Thoughts - _italic type_

The book- **bold type**

Happy reading!

Memoirs of a Hanyou Chapter 1: Existence

_**OoOoO**_

"So the wedding date is set. Two months from now, the lovely Sango will be my wife." Miroku went on about how he couldn't wait for the wedding night to finally get what he's been waiting for. Inuyasha just let him drone on and tuned him out as he played Solitaire on his laptop. They sat together at a table in the corner of Starbuck's. Inuyasha's best friend was to wed his high school sweetheart, Sango.

Miroku got a dazed look in his eyes as he said, "We're going to keep the headboard banging-"

"So its in two months? Okay," Inuyasha interrupted. "I'll see you later, Miroku." He gathered up his things and left the coffeehouse. He walked home through the busy streets of Tokyo, his mind a whirlwind of thoughts. There was always one thought that plagued his mind, the same thought of the girl with raven black hair and angelic brown eyes. He could think of nothing else ever since she left him two years ago and went to America._ Kagome_, Inuyasha let her name cross his mind but quickly pushed it aside.

_She's Sango's best friend...No doubt she'll be at the wedding...But I don't want to think of her right now_, he thought to himself as he unlocked and stepped through the door to his penthouse apartment. He passed a shelf lined with books he'd written. Inuyasha Takahashi was a well known novelist in Japan at the young age of 24. He wrote books of intriguing mystery and suspense, with the occasional horror story.

He'd also written an autobiography a year ago. It entailed his life from when he met Kagome up until their disastrous break up. He'd finished the book a year after she left him, after his life became cold and lonely. It was entitled _Memoirs of a Hanyou_. Even though every detail about his life was in the book he purposely called it fiction so as to protect the privacy of those he had written about. Only his closest friends and family knew that it was actually an autobiography.

Inuyasha sat his laptop down on the coffee table in his living room, shoving his autobiography to the corner of the table. He plopped down on his black leather couch and allowed his forearm to rest over his closed amber eyes.

Inuyasha began to ponder his life. He thought about what became of him after Kagome. Miroku told him every now and then how he seemed to be angry all the time, the way he was in high school. _Miroku and Sango are getting married, and I can't even move on to be happy in my damn life. Since when did I become so soft, feeling lonely because everyone else around me is happy_, Inuyasha thought. His thoughts weren't misleading. Since his break up with Kagome two years ago, Inuyasha hadn't been on a single date. But how could he? She was always on his mind. And the fact that she was Sango's maid of honor in the wedding didn't help. He was Miroku's best man. That meant he would have to see her in two month's time. _I'm not looking forward to that at all_, he thought.

As he laid in silence he heard the sound of something dropping to the floor. He looked to see that it was _Memoirs of a Hanyou_. His purpose in writing the book was to give Kagome a chance to know what happened and see how sorry he was. When he wrote _Memoirs of a Hanyou_ a year ago, his intentions were to try to get Kagome back through the book. But she never called or visited him, never gave him a sign that she'd read the book. He'd even go so far as to constantly badger Sango about whether or not Kagome said something to her about it. Sango's answer always deflated him. So Inuyasha had given up hope of her ever taking him back even though he still loved her with everything he had.

He picked it up absentmindedly and it fell open to a chapter titled Existence. He let his eyes graze the pages. They scanned over the printed words and he instantly closed the book. He did not want to revisit that time when everything went wrong.

Angrily Inuyasha tossed the book across the room and laid back against the couch once more. _Kagome_, his mind called again. _Are you happy now_, he wondered. Again he forced all thoughts of her from his mind. However, his mind drifted back to his autobiography.

Without thinking he stood up and retrieved the book that he had thrown across the room. He brought it back with him to the couch and opened it back up to Existence. Although his mind screamed at him not to read it, not to go back to the pain, his heart told him to do it. He knew in his heart that he had to, for a reason unbeknownst to him. Maybe it was because he wanted to revisit the past. Maybe it was because he wanted to relive the happier moments he'd shared with Kagome, before everything went wrong. Maybe it was because deep down in his heart, he still wanted Kagome back.

He started reading the chapter, deciding to revisit this part of his life once again.

_**OoOoO**_

**Existence **

**Existing. That's all that I'm doing now. Ever since she left me, my life has been empty. And so I've been merely existing. All my life is, is existence.**

**You may wonder why I'm bearing my soul like this. Most people that know me, know that this is completely out of character. I'm not the type of guy to piss and moan over my problems. Yet here I am, whining. But I have a story and it needs to be told. It needs to be told because I feel like this is the only way I can reach her. Maybe after she reads this, she'll understand. Maybe she'll take me back.**

**Who is she? For her privacy and my own, I'll call her Jasmine throughout the book. I chose that name because that's what she smells like. I always loved her scent. At first I told her I hated it. When we first met I immediately hated her, because she reminded me of someone from my past. Let me catch you up with that before I get into my story with Jasmine. I'd been dating a girl since my sophomore year of high school- I'll call her Sakura. She was captain of the archery club and a top student. Everyone looked up to her and admired her. She aspired to be a doctor because she was skilled at healing and helping others. Everyone loved her, she was perfect or so it seemed at the time.**

**In high school I was picked on a lot. I got into a lot of fights. Those bastards. They had a problem with what I am so I solved it with my fists. I wasn't accepted because I'm a hanyou- half demon and half human. My mother was human and she was shunned for being in love with a demon. But she held her head high and never let it get her down. (A/N: In this story, both of Inu's parents are alive, bare with me)**

**I was merely existing then too. Walking the halls alone, eating lunch alone, sitting in the back of the classroom alone. I was angry all the time. But who wouldn't be? Those idiots annoyed the hell out of me, always talking trash about me and spreading rumors.**

**Sakura never participated in that. She was above it. She was the only one I didn't hate, except for my best friend, I'll call him Houshi. He wanted to be a monk when he got older, although monks don't go around groping girls the way he did in high school. He's such a pervert. And his girlfriend whom I'll call Taijiya simply because she was very strong and had a low tolerance for the demons in school that chose to harass some of the humans.**

**Despite having Houshi and Taijiya in my life, I chose to eat lunch by myself everyday. I was used to the solitude. Well, one day as I was eating lunch outside by myself, I heard the sound of someone approaching me. I thought nothing of it, assuming it was Houshi or his girlfriend, even though they knew I liked to be alone. I continued to eat.**

**Sakura sat down in the grass beside me.**

**I froze. I didn't know what to do. So I came out with harsh words.**

"**What the hell do you want?" I spat out at her. She seemed unfazed and just gave me a sad smile as I watched her with a wary eye.**

**  
"I just wanted to introduce myself to you," she said. I glared at her, unsure of what to do. She continued, "My name is Sakura. I know that yours is Inuyasha. Its nice to meet you."**

"**What are you bothering with me for? Go ahead and make fun of me just like all the other bastards at this school," I said angrily. I knew she wasn't like that, but I said it anyway.**

"**I have no intention of doing that," she said. "I just want to know you. You're so quiet. I'd...like to know you better."**

"**Why?" I said curiously.**

"**Because I feel like we're alike. You're expected to be one way by the humans and another by demons, neither will accept you. I...feel as if I'm expected to be one way too. I'm not allowed to show my weakness. I can't be a normal girl. I have to be the perfect model student," she told me sincerely.**

**  
I jumped up at that. Who the hell was she to be comparing herself to me? "Get over it. We all have problems," I told her and I left her out there by herself. I looked back at her to see a sad smile on her features. She was beautiful, her long black hair swayed in the wind around her face.**

**From then on I was intrigued by her and never left her side. We began dating that year and stayed together throughout the rest of high school.**

**Then, the summer after our senior year, before we went off to college she cheated on me. She got drunk at one of the senior parties and slept with one of the bastards that I hated the most because he was always out to break us up. This guy was the one that gave me the most grief about being a hanyou, he was my arch enemy. I hated him. He used Sakura to get at me and at the same time, wanted her for himself. He succeeded. He will remain nameless because in my opinion, that dirty bastard doesn't deserve to be acknowledged.(A/N: Naraku)**

**I went to college with a broken, angry heart. Houshi and Taijiya tried to no avail to get me together with other girls, but it was useless. I couldn't trust anyone.**

**Then I met her. Jasmine. Everything began from there.**

**I met her at a party that Houshi and Taijiya dragged me to. I was standing alone by the cooler in a daze, my mind was in another place entirely. I was thinking about how much I didn't want to be there.**

**Taijiya walked up to me saying, "Hey, Inu, I know you're tired of us trying to fix you up but there's someone I want you to meet." I turned around and my heart skipped a beat. Sakura was standing in front of me.**

**"Sakura?" I asked.**

**Taijiya gave me a weird look and said, "No... This is Jasmine. Jasmine, this is Inuyasha. Show him a good time, okay?" I regained my composure and realized that this was, in fact, a different girl. I was immediately taken aback by how much she resembled Sakura; it was uncanny. She had the same brown eyes, ebony hair, although hers had a curl to it, and almost the same exact facial features. This immediately brought back memories of Sakura and what she had done. It put a deep scowl on my face.**

**Jasmine looked at me with a smile and asked, "Would you like to dance with me?" I had no intention of doing that, especially since she reminded me of my ex-girlfriend.**

"**Go dance by yourself, wench. I have no interest in dancing with you," I told her, looking her straight in the eye as I said it. She looked at me, shocked, but it was immediately replaced with anger.**

"**Well, the hell with you then!" she screamed at me and threw her drink in my face. She turned on her heel and stormed away into the crowd. I remember thinking at the time, _That bitch. She actually threw her drink in my face!_**

**I stormed after her, determined to make her apologize. No one does shit like that to me and gets away with it. I caught up with her and grabbed her arm and turned her to face me.**

"**You bitch. What the hell is wrong with you!" I yelled at her.**

**She yanked her arm from my grip and yelled back, "That's what you get forcalling me a wench, you bastard! And don't ever put your hands on me again!" Then she slapped me. I stood there shocked. Everyone around us was starring at the scene we created.**

**I was using all of my self-control not to hit her back. But damn was I pissed. Houshi had to drag me away while I was yelling a string of curses at Jasmine. Taijiya darted over to do the same to Jasmine as she swore back at me.**

**She was a feisty one. But from then on my life was never the same. I didn't know it at the time, but that was the moment I fell in love with her. I experienced the ultimate high with her through love in our college years, only to experience the ultimate low as I made a stupid mistake that landed my life to the place it is now. Alone. Living only to exist. Existence.**

_**OoOoOo** _

If you guys wanna know what it was that Inuyasha did to screw up their relationship, you have to read on!

So how do you guys like the first chapter? I really hope you did like it, I think I'm going to like writing this story. I have a lot of ideas for it. Don't forget to review! Ja ne!

-hieiluva


	2. Chapter 2

1I've been having some trouble trying to figure out where I want this story to go and how I'm going to handle crossing over from present life to the book. But I'm working on it and giving it my all! So please review with anything you have to say.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters.

Thank you for the reviews! Please continue to review.

Chapter 2: Drifting

**OoOoOoO**

"What? Are you serious?" Kagome couldn't believe what she was hearing.

"Yes! Miroku proposed to me and we're getting married this summer! Isn't it amazing," Sango gushed to her best friend over the phone.

Kagome smiled as she said, "Congratulations, I knew it would happen sooner or later. You guys were meant for each other." She was ecstatic for Sango and Miroku. They were two of her dearest friends and she was glad to see them tying the knot.

"Kagome, I would be honored if you would be the maid of honor in my wedding," Sango told her.

"Of course I'll be your maid of honor! Nothing would make me happier," Kagome said as she walked around her Los Angeles apartment.

"That's great," Sango said. She tensed up as she thought about what she had to tell Kagome about the best man. "Um...There's something you should know, Kag. About the best man...Well...It's kindagoingtobeInuyasha." She said it in one quick breath and prayed that Kagome had heard her so she wouldn't have to repeat it. Sango was greeted with silence over the line and wondered if Kagome was still there. "Kagome? Are you still there," she asked hesitantly.

Kagome had stopped pacing her apartment as she heard his name. She stood frozen in place and wondered if she had heard right. But who else had a name like Inuyasha? As she heard Sango calling her name she snapped out of it and answered, "Yes, I'm still here. Sango...Did you say Inuyasha?" Her heart pounded as she awaited the answer.

"Yeah, Kag. I did...You know that he and Miroku are best friends and that's who Miroku wanted to be his best man. I'm really sorry...If you don't want to do it anymore, I understand," Sango said as she sighed at the thought of not having Kagome in her wedding.

Kagome absentmindedly wound the phone cord around her finger as she thought about the situation. She really wanted to be in the wedding and loved the idea of being the maid of honor...But at the cost of seeing Inuyasha? She didn't know if she could handle it after what he did to her. But then again, she had already told Sango she would do it and she really wanted to be there for her best friend on the most important day of her life.

She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "No, that's fine," she lied. "I'm totally okay with Inuyasha being in the wedding too. I don't mind seeing him again and I really want to be your maid of honor. Don't worry about it." She tried her best to put some cheer in her voice as she said all of this.

Sango let out a sigh of relief and beamed as she said, "That's great, Kagome! I'm so glad you still want to do it. That makes me incredibly happy. Well, the date is set for two months from now. Listen, why don't you come back home a month before the wedding so we can catch up and hang out? It would be great since its summer."

"Sure, I'd love to," Kagome said as she worried her bottom lip. Come back home? Would that mean she'd have to see Inuyasha even sooner? The prospect looked grim and she wondered if she could handle it. _But I already said I'd come back and I'm going to have to see him anyway for the wedding and rehearsal, right? _she thought.

"That's awesome. Well, I have to go, Miroku and I are going out to dinner tonight to celebrate. I'll talk to you later. See ya...Oh and Kagome, are you sure you're okay with this? I totally understand if you're not." Sango had to make sure her best friend was alright.

"Yeah, it's fine. Don't worry about me. I just want to be there for you. Go out and have a good time, okay?" Kagome didn't want to ruin anything for Sango.

"Okay, great. Thank you so much, Kag," Sango said. They said their goodbyes and hung up the phone.

As Kagome put down her receiver, the reality of the situation sank in. _I'm going to see Inuyasha again. I'm actually going to see Inuyasha again, after everything that happened,_ Kagome thought. She threw herself back on her bed as she groaned. "What the hell was I thinking? I don't want to see him again. I can't...But I told Sango I'd do it. This is going to suck."

As Kagome laid on her bed she thought about the past two years of her life. She thought about how lonely she'd been after leaving her family and friends behind in Japan and how lonely she was now. But she couldn't stay. Not after what he'd done. It was too painful to stay there, so she ran.

Tears welled in her eyes as she pictured his face. Those golden eyes she fell so deeply in love with. His beautiful silver hair that surrounded his handsome face. She pictured his smile, the way he used to smile only for her. She thought about the secrets they'd shared and the dream they had of being together forever. She allowed a small smile to cross her features, until she thought about what he'd done the night of their anniversary. Her smile quickly dropped into a grimace and she angrily wiped away the tears that spilled onto her cheeks.

_How could he do that to me? _she wondered. Nothing or no one had ever hurt so badly in her life. And that was why she fled Japan to start a new life in America without him. She needed to escape the hurt and the memories. But now she was headed back in a month. She wondered if she could handle it. "Well, I have to. I promised Sango," she told herself. "Maybe it won't be so bad. It has been two years after all."

Kagome went into her kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. As she was pouring the steaming hot liquid into a mug she glanced at the book sitting on the kitchen counter. _Memoirs of a Hanyou_ was it's title. She starred at the cover until she felt a terrible burning sensation on her hand.

"Damn it!" she yelled as she realized she was still pouring and the coffee was overflowing onto her hand. She raced to the sink and ran cold water over her now red skin and waited for the pain to subside. She hoped it wouldn't scar as she went to her medicine cabinet and applied ointment to her skin and wrapped it in gauze. _All because of that stupid book_, she thought.

Kagome returned to the kitchen to retrieve her coffee and she had to resist the urge to grab the book along with it. She had never read it. It had been a year since the book's release and she still hadn't read it. She didn't want to. She figured there was no excuse for what happened and nothing Inuyasha did could change that. Maybe she'd read it when it didn't hurt so much to think about that time.

She ran her uninjured hand through her raven hair and released a heavy sigh. Sitting down at her desk, Kagome sat the coffee mug down and powered her computer on. "I guess its time to book my flight tickets," she said to herself.

Kagome thought of Inuyasha again and felt her anger flare as well a deep sadness. Her anger gave way to a small curling of her lips into a smile. Despite her pain, she knew that she wanted nothing more than to see Inuyasha again. Her heart would never let go of him and despite what she had been through the thought of seeing him again placed little butterflies in her stomach. Kagome knew that this reaction was inappropriate considering the circumstances but she just couldn't forget the way he made her feel. _I guess this is something of a curse and blessing that I'm going back,_ her mind chided. With that, she finished booking her flight and went into her bathroom to shower and get ready for work.

**OoOoOoO**

"Kagome agreed to be the maid of honor for the wedding." Sango was sitting across from her fiancé in Pappa Lap A Pap Lopped, one of Japan's finest restaurants.

Miroku took a sip of water before saying, "That's great, but did you tell her about Inuyasha?"

"Yeah, she didn't seem too happy about it, but you know Kagome. She's determined to be there for her friends at the cost of her own happiness. I still feel guilty, but I kept telling her she could back out if she wanted to and she kept insisting that she wanted to be there. So I guess everything is okay," Sango said with a small smile.

Miroku reached across the table and grabbed Sango's hand. "Everything will be fine, Sango dear. Rest assured."

Sango gave his hand a small squeeze and said, "You're right. I shouldn't worry, let's just enjoy the night."

"Good." Miroku let go of her hand to pick up his fork and resume eating, while simultaneously slipping his other hand under the table to rub Sango's knee.

Sango froze and a blush crept onto her face when she felt his hand. She swiftly kicked him under the table and wagged her finger at him. "Ah ah ah, none of that until **after** we're married."

Miroku grabbed his leg in pain. "Just thought I could give it a shot," he said with a slight chuckle.

Sango tried her best to muster up a glare but it didn't quite reach her eyes as they twinkled in mirth. She loved that pervert with all her heart and couldn't wait to be his wife. "I love you, you stupid lecher," she said with a smile.

Miroku's face lit up as he replied, "I love you too, Sango dear." They resumed eating their dinner and thinking about when they would finally be bound together for eternity.

Miroku gazed around the restaurant and as he did so, he spotted a dance floor. He stood up and extended his hand to Sango. "Would you like to dance?"

She looked up at him with a faint blush painting her cheeks and Miroku marveled at how beautiful she was. She didn't say anything and just took his hand and let him pull her out of her seat. He led her out to the dance floor where a band was playing soft music. He pulled her close and placed his hands around her waist as she put her arms around his neck.

"Don't try anything funny or I'm sitting right back down," she warned him.

"Why Sango, I would never do such a thing," he feigned innocence.

He pulled her closer and decided not to risk being injured tonight by keeping his hands in place. Sango leaned her head on his shoulder and allowed herself to be lost in the moment. There was no one else in the world but the two of them. She felt like she was floating.

She felt Miroku pull back from her just a little and she picked up her head up to look up at him. He used that moment to place a gentle kiss on her cheek and trail small kisses to her mouth where he captured her lips. The two lovers lost themselves in the electric but chaste kiss. Sango pulled back to gaze up into Miroku's eyes and that one moment made him feel like the luckiest man on earth.

**OoOoOoO**

Inuyasha swore for the fifth time that evening. This was getting to be pretty annoying, being beaten in a video game by a child of only seven. Inuyasha turned to glare at his niece, Rin, as she continued to pound his character into the ground with a huge grin on his face.

They finished the match and Rin jumped up to do a victory dance. She turned to Inuyasha. "Aw come on Uncle Inu! It wasn't that bad, was it?" She gave him one of her cutest smiles, knowing that he couldn't resist. Inuyasha found himself smiling back at her much to his chagrin. He stood up and said, "Yeah, yeah. But I'm gonna kick your butt next time, little girl." He swooped her up into his arms and pretended to make her fly. This induced giggles and squeals from the little girl and Inuyasha felt himself grow happy.

"That's enough, Inuyasha." Inuyasha turned to see Sesshoumaru standing in the doorway of Rin's room looking as cold as ever.

Rin squealed, "Daddy!" Inuyasha let her down and she ran over to Sesshoumaru and hugged him around the legs as it was only as high as she could reach on his towering body. He allowed the faintest of smiles to grace his lips but his affection was obvious in his eyes.

"Hey there, Fluffy," Inuyasha said with a grin. He could never resist teasing Sesshoumaru no matter what was going on in his life.

Sesshoumaru shot him the deadliest of glares but said nothing. He knew that his eyes said it all. "Thank you for babysitting Rin, _little_ brother," he said. He made sure to put emphasis on the word 'little' knowing that Inuyasha hated being reminded of Sesshoumaru's seniority. He watched as Inuyasha fumed and continued to speak. "Kagura and Mother went shopping and father had business to attend to, so they could not do it." He looked down to address Rin. "I trust you behaved yourself."

Rin grinned up at her father and nodded her head in obedience. "I sure did! Uncle Inuyasha played video games with me and I beat him five times!" Sesshoumaru looked at Inuyasha to confirm this fact and had to resist the urge to chuckle at his reaction. Inuyasha was glaring at Rin like a child and crossed his arms over his chest in a huff. Rin just grinned at him and stuck her tongue out playfully.

"ANYWAY," Inuyasha said loudly, "Miroku and Sango are getting married and he wants you to be in the wedding. I'm sure Sango wants Kagura to be in it too."

"That's fine," Sesshoumaru said curtly. He and Miroku were friends, acquaintances really. He had only known him through Inuyasha but saw him frequently around the family home during their high school years.

"Good," Inuyasha said. He picked up his things to go and turned to give his niece a hug before he exited Sesshoumaru's home. Unsure of where he wanted to go, he got into his Mercedes Benz and began to drive.

Hours passed and he soon found himself parked in front of Kagome's family shrine. How long had it been since he'd been there? _Two years_, he reminded himself. He started to get out of the car but thought better of it at the last minute. He didn't want to face her family. He was sure that they knew what happened between him and Kagome and didn't think that they'd be too happy to see him.

He sat there for a little while longer starring up the steep stairs to the shrine. _Kagome_, he thought, _I'll see you soon enough_. With that he started the car and drove home.

**OoOoOoO**

Okay, so I find myself not really sure of where I'm going with this story. I'm trying to make the chapters long enough while at the same time keeping it interesting. I'm also trying to decide when to integrate someone reading the book and present life. I'm finding that to be tough, but I'm determined to make this story long enough. I'm shooting for around twenty or twenty-five chapters. Does that sound good?

Anyway, I'll stop babbling. Please review and let me know what you think. Criticisms, praise, suggestions, anything is appreciated.

By the way, did any of you recognize the name of the restaurant? Kudos to those that do! I'm a huge Jrock fan and I just couldn't resist using it. I also couldn't resist putting in some Sango/Miroku fluff. Did you guys like it?

Until next time...

- hieiluva


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